Mental Load

Many invisible tasks are a particular burden for mothers

Text last updated: 2024-06-24

Watch out for the mental load trap!

To keep everyday family life running smoothly, there are many everyday tasks to organize. Mothers in particular often feel responsible for keeping track of everything that needs to be considered around children, daycare and the family, doctor's appointments, birthdays or celebrations.The uneven load carried by one parent or one person can lead to overload. The mental load trap snaps shut!

What is meant by mental load?

Everyday life between work and family is exhausting. And then there are the many small, often invisible things surrounding the management of family life that need to be considered:

Are there enough changes of clothes in the nursery? Will the rain gear still fit? When does child 1 have to go to the U-check-up and when was the vaccination appointment for child 2? Then there's the question of who will pick up the children from their grandparents tomorrow and bake the cake for the daycare festival at the weekend. And finally, the mother-in-law's birthday is coming up and a present needs to be bought.

Do you have all the dates and details in your head? Perhaps your thoughts often revolve around the open items on the to-do lists that never seem to end.The constant organization of everyday family life is demanding and causes stress. This constant strain is described as mental load.If the mental burden becomes too great, mental load can affect health and, in the worst case, lead to parental burnout.

Why are women more likely to be affected than men?

In many families, the mother slips into the role of family manager after the birth. Usually without realizing it. As a result, working women often juggle three jobs at the same time:Her paid job, the unpaid management of her small family business with often far more than half of the work in the household and her responsibility for the couple relationship as a devoted partner.

What is the way out of the mental load trap?

The solution is often "Delegate more!" But that's easier said than done. Because delegating thinking and letting go of responsibility is something you have to learn first. Here are some tips on how to free yourself from mental load.

  • Talk to your partner openly and calmly about the fact that you are overloaded. Tips on how to approach such a conversation can be found here on the Familienportal.NRW. Single parents should seek out opportunities for exchange and support from other adult family members or friends.
  • The second step is to collect all the tasks and determine how they should be distributed.Single parents certainly face particular challenges here. However, especially when taking on unavoidable tasks, e.g. at the daycare center or in the club, you should make sure that you limit yourself to things that are affordable in terms of time (and money).
  • All family appointments should be visible to everyone at all times and organized together. This is the only way to ensure that everyone is informed about doctor's appointments, nursery parties, birthdays and other commitments and can take responsibility for arranging them.
  • Everyone involved must recognize that the responsibility for a task lies 100% with the person responsible, from planning to execution. In other words: remembering birthdays, doing the shopping, taking the child to and from nursery. Everyone involved should be aware of what it means to take on a task independently: without additional reminders or (maternal) coaching.
  • Even if it is annoying and time-consuming, it helps to make detailed lists and discuss the planning for the next week or month. This ensures transparency.
  • The hardest part is: "Letting go!" Mothers in particular must learn to really hand over the tasks completely. Even if there is a risk that something will be forgotten, that the partner will do it differently or at a later date. And even if something goes wrong: it certainly won't end the world.
  • A little less perfectionism is certainly good for everyone. It's okay not to bake a cake for the school party yourself, but maybe just donate fresh fruit instead.

    • Where can we find help and advice?

    If everything is getting out of hand and you would like professional help, you are welcome to contact a parenting advice center. If you have difficulties in your family, conflicts in your relationship and any parenting issues, you can take advantage of free advice at any time. You can find more information about parental advice centers here on the Familienportal.NRW.

    Further information Links to read more


    To visualize the distribution of the numerous tasks that arise in everyday family life, you can download a free mental load self-test at the following link:

    Equal Care Day


    You can now take the Mental Load@home test online:

    www.mental-load-test.org


    "Mental load - organizing to the limit": The ZDF reportage series "37 Grad Leben" explores the question of how tasks can be shared more fairly between both parents.

    Mental Load - Organizing to the limit